Just Keep Quiet
by xotakux2002x
Summary: darker kakuhidan. nothing can make a person shut up quite like being called a freak. what happens when hidan lets the words get to him, and withdraws from everyone, even his partner? fluff, oneshot


JUST KEEP QUIET

Hidan's shouts could be heard all over the base as he argued in the living room. For, once, he wasn't yelling at Kakuzu, but Itachi.

"Quit glaring at me with those fucking eyes of yours!" Itachi ignored the order and glared harder. "Why should I? Even if I use my Sharingan on you, it won't kill you."

"That's beside the fucking point! I don't want to spend the rest of my fucking life as a fucking basket case!"

"Like you aren't already." Kisame had just entered the room. He turned his attention to Itachi. "I think what he means is that if you beat him he can't properly worship his precious Jasmin, or whatever."

"IT'S JASHIN, YOU FUCKING FISH!" But his shouts were in vain. Kisame and Itachi were already walking out of the room. He could hear their not-so-silent muttering about how much of a freak he was. Too mad to see straight, he stormed out of the living room and upstairs to his room.

SLAM

Kakuzu sighed as he heard his partner storm into the room, belly-flopping onto the bed and pulling a pillow over his head. "What happened this time?" he asked in a bored tone.

"Those fucking assholes were making fun of Jashin-sama." Came the muffled reply.

"So?"

"Whaddya mean, 'so'?! Those bastards should be struck down for mocking Jashin!!"

Kakuzu let out another sigh_." Here we go again._ Hidan, you hear that on a daily basis. You should be used to it by now."

Hidan stayed silent for a moment. "They called me a freak."

"Once again, so? You've heard that almost daily since day one." Hidan sat up and glared at him. "What now?"

"You're calling me a freak too."

"I'd never call you a freak." This was an unspoken rule between the two of them. Their room was supposed to be a safety zone, somewhere that they could be free of the taunts of the outside world, including people who mocked the Jashinist and made Kakuzu hide his stitches. "It's just, some of the things you do are kinda…weird."

Hidan was standing now, glaring at Kakuzu with pure spite. "Oh, and like the things you do are so normal?"

Kakuzu threw his hands into the air. "Forget it. A person like you just can't understand."

That last comment was a stab much too close to Hidan's heart. He ran out of the room. Kakuzu shrugged and went back to counting his money.

While it was true that their room was supposed to be his safe place, Hidan was finding the basement where he performed his sacrifices to Jashin to be where he felt the most relaxed, the most at ease, and possibly closest to happy. He sat down and pulled out a knife, slicing a thin cut down his wrist. He prayed his blood would please Jashin, especially since he hadn't been able to sacrifice anyone lately. As he watched the crimson liquid flow down his arm, he remembered why he had sought Jashin in the first place.

Because he was a freak.

Everyone had always called him that; freak. It was used more frequently than his own name, and eventually he stopped responding when people called him Hidan; freak had become his name. But it hurt so much, and twisted him inside to no end, nearly driving him insane. Then he discovered Jashin. A god who loved pain. Someone who wanted, nay, expected his followers to slice down people and go through physical pain. In exchange for slaughtering the people who had been so cruel to him, Hidan gained immortality. What more could a person ask for?

Hidan sliced his other wrist. That was many years ago. Now, he was part of a criminal organization, a high-ranked criminal, someone to be feared.

And yet he was still called freak.

Hidan got up and walked out of the room, praying that at least Jashin was pleased with him.

Hidan spent the next day sacrificing to Jashin. When he emerged from the room late in the afternoon, he decided to get a snack from the kitchen. Sacrificing people really made you hungry. AS he walked in, Deidara and Tobi stopped an argument they were having long enough to stare at him. Hidan hadn't realized it yet, but he was covered in the blood of his victims. As he rummaged around in the fridge for something to eat, Tobi started to speak. "Hidan, do you have to walk around covered in blood?"

Hidan shut the fridge door, unable to find something to eat. "Excuse me for getting fucking bloody after making fucking sacrifices to Jashin-sama."

Deidara joined the conversation. "We get that, but couldn't you shower or something afterwards, un? It's really gross to walk around like that, un."

At that moment, Kakuzu and Sasori walked in. "Hidan, did you get into a fight or something?" Sasori asked.

"The weirdo's just been sacrificing more people, danna."

Kakuzu glared at Hidan. "You're getting blood on everything, idiot! Hurry up and wash off before we have to pay for a cleaner. AGAIN."

"Alright, alright, I'll fucking go. Just fucking calm down."

"Can't you sacrifice outside or something? Then we wouldn't always have this problem." Kakuzu was getting more annoyed by the minute.

"Fine, I'll quit fucking sacrificing inside! Are you fucking happy now?!"

"No, I'm not. Now beat it." Kakuzu walked over to the fridge door. "Ugh, look what you did! There's a freaking puddle of blood now!"

Hidan walked out of the room. Not even waiting until he was out of earshot, Deidara asked, "Why does he always to weird thing like that, un?"

"Because he's a freak." Sasori answered.

"Got that right." Tobi agreed. Kakuzu stayed silent.

Outside the doorway, Hidan felt his chest tighten. At times like these, he really wished Kakuzu would come to his defense…but no, that would never happen. That was asking far too much from the banker. Kakuzu needed to maintain his status with the other Akatsuki members, which meant hiding his face, and allowing them to insult Hidan. It wasn't his fault or anything; that's just how things were. Hidan felt his heart begin to ache. _Uh-oh._ He ran to the room he had recently sacrificed in, locking the door and quickly grabbing a knife. One quick slash down his wrist, and all the pain in his heart disappeared, replaced by the slight pain in his wrist. Hidan smiled as he bled. It had worked again. Over the years, he had learned a pretty good way to manage his pain. Whenever he felt heartache, or mild sadness, or anything painful, really, he'd just slit his wrist, maybe stab his arm, and all his pain would disappear. Best of all, the pain pleased Jashin. Everybody wins. Hidan allowed the bleeding to stop on it's own, before going upstairs to wash off. Kakuzu was sitting at his desk, glaring at Hidan as he walked in. "Where the hell have you been?" He almost sounded concerned. Almost.

Hidan started toward the bathroom. "Nowhere, you fucking miser." For some reason, Hidan found himself grateful that his long sleeves and the blood all over him prevented Kakuzu from seeing his most recent cut. Hidan didn't dwell on it for too long, though, and was soon in the shower, washing off the blood. Kakuzu, meanwhile, wondered where Hidan had gone. It's normal to worry about your partner, right? Listening to the sound of the shower, Kakuzu's mind drifted back to the conversation in the kitchen. He shouldn't have scolded Hidan, and he should have suck up for him. He was tempted to apologize to him, but decided against it. Stuff like that happened all the time; it was probably no big deal to Hidan, and he'd look stupid if he brought it up. With that in mind, he returned to balancing the checkbook. Someone had made an extra charge this month….

I'm sorry, but it's really weird how he always walks around, bitching about his precious Jasmin, or whatever." Kisame was sitting in the living room, talking with Itachi, Deidara, and Kakuzu. Hidan had been walking by outside the living room when he heard this comment, and stopped to eavesdrop.

"Some people are just religious fanatics. Hidan happens to fall into that category." Itachi was bored, and moved into Kisame's lap. Kisame began to rub his back before continuing. "Yeah, but does he HAVE to go around with blood all over him? There's a fine line between being a fanatic and being a freak, after all."

"Hidan crossed that line a long time ago, un!" Hidan smiled bitterly. That blonde had just moved up a few places on his hit list…all thoughts stopped at what he heard next.

"I agree about the blood thing. He probably costs us more than anyone else." This voice belonged to Kakuzu. Hidan's chest tightened alarmingly. What?...

"That's all you ever think about, isn't it? But come on, besides money problems, Hidan's just weird. The sacrifices, the prayers, those foods he eats, all of it means the same thing; Hidan is a freak of nature."

"Right!" Deidara and Itachi agreed. "Kakuzu remained silent. "What about you, Kakuzu? What do you think?" Hidan's eyes widened. They were actually going to keep Kakuzu talking. Whenever Kakuzu shut up, they just left him alone. But now, he was actually going to have to answer that question. Hidan dreaded hearing the answer. He began to shake as he heard Kakuzu speak. "Well, I admit, he is kinda freakish…" Hidan didn't bother to stay and hear the rest. His vision got blurry as he ran into his sacrificing room. He picked up his sharpest knife, and made a deep cut all the way from his funny bone to his wrist. He quickly switched hands and did the same thing to his other arm. He needed the pain right now, but he still couldn't take his mind completely off Kakuzu. His own partner had called him freakish. After all they'd been through, everything they'd done, all the things they'd shared…Kakuzu thought he was a monster, a FREAK. Hidan felt the room spin, and looked down. Just because he was immortal didn't mean that severe blood loss wouldn't affect him. Hidan fainted in his own blood.

Because he ran off early, Hidan didn't hear Kakuzu finish. "Well, I admit, he is kinda freakish…but I'd never call Hidan a freak."

"Why, un?" Deidara was confused. So was Kisame. Itachi was asleep, relaxed by the back rub Kisame had given him.

"It's just…well, I can't exactly explain it, but I just wouldn't. So drop it."

"Whatever." Kisame noticed Itachi had fallen asleep, and adjusted his position so he could carry Itachi out of the room. Deidara stood up and followed suit, shrugging his shoulders as he left the room. Kakuzu sighed and got up a few minutes later, wondering where Hidan was.

Hidan woke up a few hours later. As he sat up, the room began to spin again. Whoa, take it easy, take it easy…He glanced down at the large puddle up dried blood before him. He hadn't meant to lose that much, but he felt better now. That was all the mattered. Slowly getting to his feet, he snuck out the door and up to his room. He was grateful that he didn't run into one of the other members; they might have noticed that he was paler than usual. The blood on his outfit wouldn't be a big deal, unless they happened to notice that there was an unusually high amount of dried blood on his sleeves…he quickly shut the door behind him.

"Hidan?" _Damn_. Kakuzu was in the room. His partner was the last person he wanted to see right now. Hidan knew he was too weak to take a shower, so he just pulled off his cloak and climbed under the covers of his bed, not even bothering to undress all the way. The light began to bug him, so he pulled his pillow over his head. Kakuzu was counting his money, not paying any attention to Hidan. Hidan realized why that was now. Kakuzu thought he was a freak, and was trying to ignore him. His chest began to tighten again. He should have known. Kakuzu always yelled at him about how much he was costing the organization, and how annoying his cursing was, and a load of other crap. That was how Kakuzu delt with having a freak for a roommate. Hidan's eyes watered. "_You fucking idiot,"_ he scolded himself, _"you should have expected this. Everyone thinks you're a monster, so why the hell would it be any different with him? You're a freak, a stupid freak, and the sooner you accept that fact, the better."_ Hidan let out a small sob.

Kakuzu stopped counting, and the room fell silent. Hidan's teary eyes widened. "_Oh dear Jashin, please tell me he didn't hear that, PLEASE tell me he didn't hear that!"_

"Hidan?" Damn, he had heard it. _"Calm down, just keep quiet, and maybe he'll drop it and go back to whatever the hell he's doing."_ That thought fell apart as he heard the banker rise to his feet and walk over. He stopped at the edge of Hidan's bed. "Hidan?" he asked for the third time in a short while. Hidan stiffened as he felt a hand settle on his back. "Did you just…cry?" Hidan was determined to keep his mouth shut. If he kept this up, Kakuzu would get pissed off at him and avoid him for a while, but Hidan didn't fucking care anymore. He just wanted to be left alone.

Suddenly, the hand moved off of Hidan's back and snatched the pillow on top of his head. Hidan had just enough time to move his arms to his face, before Kakuzu could see his tears. But his partner wasn't done. Kakuzu grabbed Hidan and pulled him into a sitting position, grabbing his arms and pulling them down to the side. Hidan looked away, but he knew Kakuzu saw his tears. "So, you were crying. What happened?" Hidan still kept silent. He had no idea what would come out if he tried to speak right now. _"Dammit, Kakuzu, just fucking let it go."_

Kakuzu was getting angry now. "Dammit, why won't you say anything?" He tightened his grip on Hidan's wrist. Hidan winced and looked down. His eyes widened as he saw red. Kakuzu had reopened his newest cuts. _Oh, Jashin no…_

Kakuzu saw Hidan's eyes widen and looked down. It was then he noticed the blood on his hands. He flipped over Hidan's wrists and saw the cuts for the first time. _"What the hell?!"_ Besides this newest long one, there were dozens of smaller older ones all over his arms, most close to his wrist. How the heel could he have missed them? Hidan quickly pulled his arms against his chest and scrambled to the other side of the bed, still refusing to look at Kakuzu.

The room was silent. Kakuzu had absolutely no idea what to say, and Hidan wasn't about to speak. "Hidan, what the hell have you been doing to yourself? I get that you're immortal and al, but still…oh my god…" Kakuzu held his head in one hand. "Why are you doing this? How long have you been cutting yourself?" Hidan wouldn't speak.

Kakuzu felt his temper flare up. "Dammit Hidan, say something!" More silence. Angrily, he moved across the bed and grabbed Hidan's chin, forcing his partner to look at him. Hidan still refused to make eye contact. Kakuzu's anger was climbing fast. "Why the hell won't you talk to me! I'm you're fucking partner, Hidan! We're supposed to talk with each other, remember? This is the only safe place for us, right here! I care about you, Hidan, and I want to help you if-"

"NO YOU DON'T!" Hidan couldn't take it anymore. Kakuzu stopped speaking at the outburst. "You don't give a fuck about me, you bastard! You think I'm a freak, just like everyone else! You're the fucking same as them, Kakuzu, YOU'RE EXACTLY THE SAME!" Hidan moved as far away from Kakuzu as he could and curled up into a ball. He was crying again, but what the hell did it matter anymore?

Kakuzu couldn't talk now. He opened his mouth a few times, but shut it before any words could come out. "Hidan, please don't say that. It's not true." Hidan tensed at the words. "_The fuck it isn't."_

"You're my best friend, Hidan."

"_You'll say anything to make me feel better, won't you?"_

"I'd never call you a freak."

"_That's what you say now, but around the others your promise falls apart."_

"You're a person to me, Hidan, not a monster."

"_I know you're lying."_

"I don't want to do anything to hurt you."

"_You're a liar, Kakuzu."_

"I can't stand to have you angry at me. It hurts too much."

"_You're hurting me, Kakuzu. Quit lying to me!"_

"Please, Hidan, just talk to me."

"_Stop it, Kakuzu!"_

"I just want you to be happy."

"_STOP LYING!"_

"Hidan, just-"

"SHUT UP!" Hidan jumped to his feet. "You're a horrible liar, Kakuzu!" he stormed toward the door. Kakuzu was at his side in a moment, and grabbed his wrist. That did it.

SLAP

Kakuzu dropped let go in surprise, and the Jashinist dashed out the door. Kakuzu reached up and touched his cheek, wincing as he did so. He removed his hand and noticed blood on it. Hidan's blood had dripped onto his hand and smeared across Kakuzu's face from the slap. Kakuzu knew that if he went after Hidan now, he'd only make things worse. Angrily, he punched a hole in the wall, the expense of repairs temporarily forgotten. How could he have let this happen to the only person he actually gave a damn about?

Hidan hid in his sacrificing room for two days, not leaving for anything. He knew he was acting like a coward, but he was well beyond caring. Finally, when the stench of death became to much for him, he got up and left, absent-mindedly wandering into the living room. Deidara and Sasori were on the floor, while Itachi sat across the room in a chair, reading. Hidan flopped down onto the couch. Itachi noticed him as he heard him sit down. "Well, look who it is." The two artists glanced up and noticed Hidan. "We thought you'd died or something, un!"

"I'm immortal, you fucking blonde," Hidan muttered, no real anger in his retort.

"Hmm? What's the matter? You piss off your precious Jasmin?"

"Shut the fuck up, before I decide to sacrifice you." Hidan was beginning to think he'd be better off outside. It wasn't like the blizzard out there could kill him or anything. Suddenly, Kisame shouted. "Hey Itachi, where are you?" "In here." Itachi called out. In a moment, Kisame and Kakuzu were at the door. Hidan looked away, his only escape now cut off. "Have you seen- oh, there he is, Kakuzu." Hidan heard footsteps coming towards him. What the hell did the banker want now? The other members began to talk about the storm outside, Kakuzu and Hidan all but forgotten. Kakuzu sat down next to his partner. "Hidan, I-"

"Don't talk to me," the Jashinist hissed. Hidan felt the pain in his chest return. Dammit, why didn't he just stay in his room?

Kakuzu paused, not wanting to lose his partner again. Suddenly, an idea hit him. _"Please work,"_ he thought.

Hidan felt his partner shift, but didn't react. Maybe Kakuzu was finally-he nearly yelped as he felt Kakuzu's arms slip behind his knees and back. Wordlessly, the banker puller him onto his lap, holding the Jashinist close.

"Um, Kakuzu, what are you doing?" This question came from Kisame. All heads were turned towards Hidan and Kakuzu.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Kakuzu gently squeezed Hidan's arm. Hidan was still silent, but his time from shock. This wasn't happening, there was no way in hell that this was happening…Sasori started in.

"It looks like you're holding Hidan. WHY are you holding him? He's a freak."

Hidan felt Kakuzu tense. "First off, don't call him that. And the second thing is…" he reached for his mask. Hidan's eyes widened. No, he was not going to let him do THAT. "Kakuzu, don't!" He tried to reach up and grab Kakuzu's hand, but Kakuzu had both of Hidan's hands pinned down with his other arm. Hidan shut his eyes as he heard the mask fall away, and the room gasp. "I'm a freak." No one responded for a minute.

"Oh my god!" Deidara finally shouted. "Kakuzu, what happened, un?! Did that fre-"

"I just told you, don't call him that." Kakuzu's voice was low and deadly, instantly silencing Deidara. He rose to his feet, carrying Hidan bridal style. "I swear, I'll kill the next person that calls Hidan a freak." He paused at the doorway and looked back over his shoulder. "And no, Hidan didn't do this." Then they were gone.

When they got back to their room, Kakuzu sat down on his bed, still holding Hidan in his lap. The Jashinist began to tremble. "You idiot," he whimpered. "You fucking idiot. They'll treat you the same as me the next time they see you." He looked up, tears in his eyes. "Why the hell did you do that, Kakuzu?! You should have just fucking left me alone. You shouldn't have ever acted like you fucking cared." Hidan rested his head against Kakuzu's chest.

Kakuzu didn't say anything. "_Every time I open my mouth, things get worse. I need to just keep quiet, and keep going."_ He felt Hidan's hand reach up, and grab his cloak. "Kakuzu, answer me. Why?" Kakuzu looked down into Hidan's pleading eyes. He needed an answer. Kakuzu had to speak. "Simple. I love you." Hidan's eyes grew wide. Kakuzu closed his own eyes and leaned forward, kissing Hidan's lips. Hidan shut his eyes after a moment, retuning the kiss gently. After a moment, he broke it off. Kakuzu looked down, not sure why their kiss had been stopped. Hidan was trembling again. "Hidan?" He tilted Hidan's chin up. "Ka…ku…" Hidan buried his face in Kakuzu's chest and began sobbing uncontrollably. Kakuzu pulled him closer and began stroking his head gently. "Shh, Hidan…" Hidan couldn't stop. All the pain that he'd gone through, every horrible thing that had ever made him suffer…it was all coming back to him now, and all he could do was cry. Finally, completely worn out, he fell limply against Kakuzu's body.

Kakuzu gently moved the two of them under the blankets, still holding Hidan close. "Hey, Kakuzu?" Hidan asked. "Hmm?" "I think…I love you too." Kakuzu smiled gently kissing Hidan's forehead and wrapping his arms tightly around Hidan's back. Hidan gently rested his head against Kakuzu's chest, allowing the banker's heartbeat to lull him to sleep. He knew that when they left the room, the world would go back to being cruel to the two of them. They'd have no one to depend on but each other, and they'd still fight about things, and probably come close to hating each other…but for now, they were wrapped in the safety of each other's arms.

For Hidan and Kakuzu, that was enough.


End file.
